Nope, not new to dreaming, according to my
mom, I seem to go through most of the day doing just that; but I digress. I’m referring to my dream last night and
while it was not my first kind of this nature it all seemed so real.
Last night I dreamed that I was back to my
old self so to speak. What was really
weird about it was that at no time did I have any compunction of my current
situation – A C3 Quadriplegic paralyzed from the neck down and dependent on a
ventilator for my breathing! I suspect
that most people with a spinal cord injury have had similar experiences, but
this was perhaps my first that I can recollect with such vivid detail. Needless to say, it would be superfluous
indeed to say that I was a disappointed man when I was awoken at 6:00am by my
attendant telling me good morning while deftly following up with the question
of “shall I start your stretching exercise now?” while the melodic sound of my
ventilator began to fade into my conscious hearing.
It did not take me long to be sure it was
just another dream, which was reinforced rather quickly as I found myself
dangling from my hoyer lift as I was transferred from the bed to my
wheelchair. I could hear a voice
practically taunting in my head, saying over and over, “your back in the real
world now mate!” If I’m being really truthful here I would have to confess I
was not in the best of moods at this point and perhaps this is why I feel
almost compelled to submit this experience to paper as some weird sort of therapy,
gosh I have gone all “Oprah” here!
As I sit here now writing this entry, I’m
wondering if I am truly at the stage of acceptance and awareness of my current
situation? I mean the thing is; I don’t
consider myself to be under any illusion and I would seriously like to think
I’m fully cognisant of the situation and all it consequences that from here on
in, I just another quadriplegic who must come to terms with the fact that life
will no longer be what it used to be.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mean that in a bad way but for clarity – All
that stuff I used to enjoy such as snowboarding, mountain biking or more
succinctly, activities such as breathing, eating on my own or the simply task
of getting out of bed and “wiping the sleep out of my eyes” are task I now
depend on other to perform for me.
I wonder, bear with me I’m typing this “in
the raw” – as I’m thinking it, I writing it, trouble is my thinking capacity is
slightly quicker that than this speech software can cope with. I used to go to a support group, and one of
the things I quite never understood, was this girl who was a paraplegic and
apart from being very attractive, she often gave me the impression that she was
quite happy and accepting of her accident and that in fact, she thinks it has made
her a better person! Hmmmm…… ??? I’m sorry on this one, perhaps this too will
come, but I am nowhere in the vicinity, of reaching that juncture! I would like to know the secret to that one,
and I know she was not alone as I often read and see on television people with
spinal cord injuries whom claim similar experiences. I’m just curious as to what was their life
prior to injury? I am wrong here, or
just don’t get it?
Gosh, who would have though something as
trivial as a dream could evoke such though!
Well I guess it’s all part of life’s experience in a wired way, but hey
that just my experience! Tell me what you think?
